Saturday, March 9, 2013

Day 68 Better now...

Ok so I know I sounded pitiful & desperate in my last post & I guess I was but probably not in the reason you're thinking, or in the reason I said.  Let me clarify. 

When I said I was on a week long binge it wasn't in the traditional sense of binging.  Since I had the lapband I can't really go on a true binge where I eat tons of food at one sitting like I used to be able to do (Thank God).  These past two weeks or so I have been binging but in a different way. 

See, a lot of people have trigger foods that start them down the road of a true binge, and so far I'm not sure if I have a certain food, but what I do know is that eating out is my nemesis.  I don't really know how to explain this.  I LOVE to go out to eat, and it's really not all about the food.  For me eating out gives me a sense of feeling "normal".  I know that may sound weird to some people but it's true.  I know that this is a psychological thing inside of me & it probably stems from the fact that growing up we were pretty strapped for money.  My mom was a single mom & she raised me & my sister on one income with no child support & needless to say that strict budget did NOT include going out to eat, like never, not even to McDonald's.  So I guess you could say as an adult I look at going out to eat as a sign that I'm ok.  I'm not struggling, I'm "normal".  Does that make senese?

Since starting back to school full time I've had to stop working & that means we're down to one income & on that strict budget guess what got cut out?  Yep, eating out. Now that actually turned out to be a really good thing b/c it forced me to make all of our meals & probably facilitated the good decisions I was able to make b/c I didn't have the temptation of eating out.  Buuuuttt a few weeks ago we got a little thing called a tax refund & now that I have a bit of money guess what I've been doing?  Eating out every chance I get!!  That is where my binge comes in.  It's not binging in the sense of eating too much food, but more of eating the WRONG food at EVERY meal. So I guess you could say my problem really isn't with the food as much as it is with the money, which I know is a totally different problem not covered on this blog.  But in a sense the two are tied together & it's not good. 

Soooo, I got on the scale this morning & saw that it's actually 5 lbs that I've gained back, but still a gain is a gain & it's very disappointing.  Also my own lack of self control is disappointing.  But the good thing is that I know that I can do this, I mean I did it for over 60 days & did a great job at it.  I've just got to find my way back, and I will, starting today!!

Thanks for the encouraging comments. 



  1. I have recently begun going out to eat to feel normal again too. I am limiting it to one night a week though because it does get expensive and I don't pick the healthiest thing off the menu!!

  2. Hi Candi! Sorry I was so late to follow you back on your blog. I got a little confused about which of your blogs to follow. :D

    Well, I would say focus on the process. Specifically, just worry about today's process. Take it step by step doing the following: 1) drink 8 cups of water daily; 2) spend a few minutes food journaling everything you eat each day; and, of course, 3) try to eat reasonable portions that will keep you in the proper calorie amount today. Success for weight is built upon consistently having days of following this process.

    So quick forgiveness. Beating yourself up never helped anyone. Just try to do better right now. I'm rooting for ya! **<<Those are tiny pompoms.

    :-) Marion

  3. You post really got me thinking about my own situation. Check back at my site later today; you've inspired me to write again! Thank you.